


The Effects of Alcohol on the Mind of One Matthew Copernicus Holt: A Study by Takashi Shirogane, LLB

by Eilera



Series: 6 Drinks [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dirty Talk, Dorks in Love, Drunken Matt, Drunken Shenanigans, Established Relationship, Fluff, It Gets Some Use, M/M, Please drink responsibly, Slight Pidge/Keith, Sober Shiro, Sorry to Hunk's Neighbours, They're all dorks, Twister - Freeform, bad singing, hunk is an angel, there's a closet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 10:32:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16239830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eilera/pseuds/Eilera
Summary: But six drink Matt? Six drink Matt was a mystery. Six drink Matt was taunting him from the mountaintops, daring him to give Matt just one more pick-me-up.Shiro would be lying if he said he didn’t want to meet six drink Matt. Matt had done it to him, it was only fair.He loved Matt in all his forms, six drink Matt would be no different.Right?(Companion piece to Six Drink Shiro, based off the Six Drink Amy bit from Brooklyn Nine-Nine.)





	The Effects of Alcohol on the Mind of One Matthew Copernicus Holt: A Study by Takashi Shirogane, LLB

**Author's Note:**

> The folks in the Shatt discord server are enabling as all hell and I don't mind that one bit. I did a "Six Drink Shiro" fic which you can find [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16144931). I would recommend reading that first but it is not necessary. This is based off [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jta7bdMQeHk) part of Brooklyn Nine-Nine where Gina tries to find out what Six Drink Amy is like. 
> 
> Thanks Shatt Stronghold for being so awesome.
> 
> Special thanks to [DeathByStorm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeathByStorm/works) for beta'ing as usual.

Shiro was a quiet man and quiet men like to observe.

While other people filled the silence, Shiro was learning all about the subtle nuances that made people act the way they did. He watched, he learned, he listened.

Shiro had spent most of his life observing Matthew Holt.

Er, wait, was he allowed to say that?

He liked watching Matt.

Not like that.

Well, maybe like that.

The fact of the matter was that Matt tended to get himself into trouble and Shiro was doing his duty to keep an eye out for him. This was especially important now that they were dating.

Constant vigilance.

But Matt had done a ‘study’ on Shiro, and Shiro couldn’t help but notice that he himself had also been cataloguing the effects of alcohol on his best friend.  

Was it so wrong to want to explore that further?

To date, Shiro’s findings were thus:

One drink Matt was strangely quiet. More prone to silent contemplation while he sipped his drink. Shiro could only assume it took awhile for the alcohol to really get into his system, but he’d never seen anyone else react like that.

Matt was always one to buck expectations, though, so Shiro figured he shouldn’t have been surprised.

Two drink Matt talked way too fast. It was like all the words he kept bottled inside after his first drink couldn’t be contained and exploded out of him in long strings of near-gibberish. His brain moved too fast for his mouth, something Shiro was used to dealing with.

Three drink Matt was a competitive little shit. He would challenge strangers to a game of darts or try to find out who could shove the most lemon slices in their mouths without dying.

The scary part was he usually won.

Four drink Matt thought he was in the middle of a Broadway musical and nothing Shiro did could make. Him. _Stop_.

Matt was _not_ a good singer, but he also had no shame so it wasn’t a good mix. He’d caterwaul well into the night if Shiro didn’t do _something_. He’d lost count of the grateful looks he’s gotten over the years for moving Matt along to the next level.

Those looks of gratitude never lasted long once five drink Matt came out.

Five drink Matt thought he was a parkour master. Shiro was pretty sure their faces were plastered on nearly every nearby bar and club as a warning to employees _not to feed the animal_. How they hadn’t been arrested yet was a testament to Shiro’s polite and earnest attitude and not at all to the hundreds of dollars of property damage crushed in Matt’s wake.

They were pretty impressive moves, though, considering his level of intoxication.

But six drink Matt? Six drink Matt was a mystery. Six drink Matt was taunting him from the mountaintops, daring him to give Matt just one more pick-me-up.

Shiro would be lying if he said he didn’t want to meet six drink Matt. Matt had done it to him, it was only fair.

He loved Matt in all his forms, six drink Matt would be no different.

Right?

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the end, it was easy.

Shiro didn’t really need to do any special preparations for this. Pidge had gotten hired at NASA which called for a celebration and there was _no way_ Matt wasn’t going to go way over-the-top for his little sister.

Shiro was only relieved they were celebrating at Hunk’s apartment and not at a bar because he wasn’t sure if he had enough money to cover whatever six drink Matt ended up being. Hunk wouldn’t call the police on them.

Hopefully.

The night began innocently enough. They ordered in enough pizza from Vrepit Sal’s Pizzeria they could open their own pizza joint. Everyone brought enough booze to die of alcohol poisoning at least three times over.

Standard fare.

Shiro, as usual, had offered to be the designated driver. Thankfully, that coincided nicely with his plans and no one was suspicious.

Except maybe Matt.

“Are you going to get me drunk and take advantage of me, baby?” He whispered as Shiro poured some vodka into his cup of coke. The others were too busy fighting over who would get the cool, nerdy cups versus the normal, boring cups.

Matt had brought an enormous, Game of Thrones goblet because he was just that extra.

Shiro raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you want me to?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out, hot stuff.”

Shiro snorted, carefully putting the vodka securely in the cabinet. “I think I already know the answer to that.”

Matt gave him an over-the-top, salacious wink and proceeded to pinch his butt, causing Shiro to jump reflexively and nearly drop the glass of juice he’d just picked up.

“Glad we’re on the same page.”

That little shit.

As they made their way back to the living room, everyone was trying to decide what they were going to do for the night.

“Dance, dance, dance!” Lance sang, bouncing up and down as he turned on the music.

“No, no dancing! I need my damage deposit back when I move out!” Hunk said, wringing his hands nervously.

Hm, perhaps aiming for six drink Matt wasn’t a good idea. Shiro didn’t want to upset Hunk. He glanced over at Matt sitting calmly on the couch, sipping his drink like it was a warm cup of tea.

Okay, Shiro had prepared himself monetarily for this. He’d just pay Hunk for any damages.

The game was on.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

“AndthenIwentovertotheothertableandwaslike BAM andthentheywerelike GASP andIwaslike FUCK YOU IAMTHESMARTESTMOTHERFUCKER.”

Two drink Matt, motormouth extraordinaire.

“Dude, I have no idea what you just said.”

“Lance!” Matt squawked, looking affronted. “Listen to the wordscomingoutofmymouth.”

“The alcohol makes it hard to focus,” Allura admitted, glancing over at them as she smacked the ping pong ball back at Hunk with all the force of a raging rhino.

She wasn’t even looking at it.

Terrifying.

“Matt, slow the f-train down,” Pidge called out from her spot next to Keith. They were playing Mario Kart and Pidge was wiping the floor with all of them.

Matt pouted, rolling off the couch and stomping over to Shiro. “Shiroooo, hug me.”

Shiro reached out, grabbing onto his hips and pulling him closer so he could tuck his chin on his shoulder.

“Do you need another drink?”

Matt waggled his obnoxious cup, letting the ice rattle around. “Almost.”

Shiro hummed, just letting himself enjoy having Matt in his arms. He was a bit warmer than usual, probably due to the alcohol, and Shiro tugged him closer. This was nice. Shiro could sit like this all-

“Get a room!”

 Or not.

“LANCE!” Matt yelled, right in Shiro’s ear, pulling away to stomp towards the other man. Lance giggled, and he must have had some pre-drinks if he was already at this stage, and ran into the kitchen.

Shiro sighed, getting up from his chair. He should follow them and make sure they didn’t kill each other.

If he happened to pour Matt another drink at the same time, well, progress.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

“There’s no way you’re gonna be able to reach that.”

“Oh yeah? Just watch me.”

Three drink Matt, always up for a challenge.

Shiro watched, amused, as Matt slowly stretched along the Twister floor mat. He was bent at an awkward angle, one leg crossed over the other as he reached to do the same with his arms. Beside him, Keith was crouched easily on all fours, knees hovering just barely over the mat. Lance was bent like a human pretzel, looking completely at ease even with the awkward criss-crossed crab position.

Pidge, Allura and Hunk cheered from the sidelines, clearly entertained and placing bets on the winner.

Shiro tapped lightly on the spinner. “Right hand to green Matt, get to it.”

Face red with alcohol and exertion, Matt’s hand stretched towards the green circle. Shiro would be very impressed if he managed this.

“There’s no way,” Hunk said, shaking his head.

“Don’t underestimate a Holt,” Pidge smirked.

Sure enough, Matt managed to slip two fingers onto the green circle.

Shiro certainly did _not_ pause to consider Matt’s flexibility.

Not at all.

“Eat shit and die, losers,” Matt sneered, looking entirely too smug.

“The question is, how long can you hold that position?” Allura asked, crouching beside the mat to examine them.

“As long as it takes.”

Shiro shuffled uneasily. Matt’s determination was kind of hot.

“Okay Keith, left foot to red,” he announced, trying to distract himself. Matt gave him a knowing look because of course he could tell.

Keith nearly did the splits as he stretched out his foot.

Pidge wolf whistled and Keith stumbled, face red.

Lance cackled, looking entirely too pleased with this turn of events. “You’re out, Mullet!”

“Get off the mat, loser,” Matt taunted, eyes gleaming.

As Keith and Pidge both attempted to hide their red faces, Shiro shook his head. He would say they were being ridiculous, but it took Matt and him way too long to admit their own feelings for each other. He wasn’t about to judge Pidge and Keith for it.

“Alright, Lance,” Shiro announced, watching the spinner as it settled on blue. “Left foot to blue.”

Everyone watched in amazement as Lance did a truly impressive twist, not once lifting any of his other limbs from the mat, and gracefully rested his food on a blue circle.

“Just admit defeat, Holt.”

Matt ground his teeth. “Never.”

This was going to take awhile.

“Matt, right foot to yellow.”

This new position made it easier for Matt and that was not a good sign for Lance. The less energy Matt had to devote to holding himself up, the more he could use towards plotting.

“Lance, left foot to red.”

As Lance contemplated where to move his foot, Matt looked over at Allura. “Hey, Allura, could you grab me my phone? It’s on the floor. I want Shiro to take pictures when I win.”

Allura moved towards it, bending down gracefully to pick it up.

Of course, that meant she bent down right beside Lance’s face.

Lance was easily distracted by the sight and put his foot on green instead of red.

Matt crowed his success, boasting to anyone that would listen. Hunk handed him a celebratory shot and Shiro smiled to himself.

Goodbye three drink Matt.

As Matt started singing “We Are The Champions” at full blast, the smile slipped off Shiro’s face.

He needed to get another drink into him as soon as possible.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shiro wondered how his life came to his.

He supposed it was his own fault.

He brought this on himself.

“This is all your fault,” Keith muttered darkly.

He couldn’t deny it.  

“I’ve got a dream!” Matt caterwauled to an enthralled room.

Four drink Matt: Broadway superstar.

“He’s got a dream!” the others chorused. Even Allura was into it.

“See I ain’t as cruel and vicious as I seem!”  

They’d been singing Disney tunes for the last hour.

Sometimes, being the only sober person in the room was pure hell.

“Guys?” Shiro called out, catching Pidge before she could fall over the coffee table. “Maybe we should keep it down for the neighbours?”

Hunk and Allura gave him sheepish looks but Matt and Lance’s eyes settled on him with a laser focus.

Oh.

Oh no.

Matt wrapped his hands around Shiro’s right arm just as Lance grabbed his left.

Please, no.

Matt grinned. “Noooo ooooone, fights like Gaston!”

“Douses lights like Gaston!” Lance joined in.

“In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!”

Lance pet down Shiro’s bicep. “For there’s no one as burly and brawny.”

“As you see he’s got biceps to spare!” Matt flexed Shiro's arm for him.

“Not a bit of him’s scraggly or scrawny!”

“That's right! And ev'ry last inch of him’s covered with hair!” Matt grabbed Shiro’s button-up shirt and ripped it open, buttons pinging every which way.

“MATT!” Shiro reached for him but he spun away.

“Noooo oooone hits like Gaston!”

“Matches wits like Gaston!”

Shiro put his face in his hands. He was going to have Disney songs stuck in his head for the rest of his life at this rate.

Hunk patted him gently on the shoulder.

God, he needed a drink.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Thanks, Hunk.”

Hunk smiled at him from the privacy of his own bedroom.

“No problem. I figured you wouldn’t want to spend the rest of the night with your…” he paused, gesturing to Shiro’s open shirt.

Silence.

Shiro stared him. “You...didn’t finish what you were saying?”

“Yeah.”

Shaking his head, Shiro took the offered shirt and replaced his buttonless one with it. He was going to make Matt sew every individual button back on that. It was his favourite shirt.

“I’m sorry for the mess we’re making. I’ll make sure to keep a better eye on everyone.”

Hunk shrugged, giving Shiro a small smile. “Everyone’s having a great time. It’s fi-”

CRASH.

Hunk and Shiro looked to the closed door.

“Um, did you give Matt another drink?”

Hunk frowned, concentrating. “I don’t think so?”

BANG.

“HARDCORE PARKOUR!”

Hunk winced as something else crashed to the floor and someone yelped in pain.

Shiro looked at him seriously. “I’ll pay for it.”

“...Thank you.”

SMASH.

“All of it.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shiro surveyed the damage.

It wasn’t the worst he’d seen Matt do, but he’d roped some of the others into it which wasn’t helping.

At some point this evening Shiro had changed from friend to babysitter and that kind of sucked.

“Hardcore parkour!” Pidge yelled, jumping onto the couch before hopping onto the coffee table. Her socks slid on the smooth surface and she yelped, rolling onto the floor in an ungainly heap.

Matt was filming the entire thing on his cellphone, ooo’ing and ah’ing over her ‘lit moves’.

“Okay, okay, no more parkour,” Shiro announced with his most commanding voice. It was the one he used in the courtroom and it worked surprisingly well on a bunch of drunken idiots too.

He needed to get another drink into Matt and pray that he wasn’t unleashing a demon on their friends.

As Hunk convinced the others to settle down and watch a movie, Matt draped himself over Shiro’s back.

“Hardcore parkour,” he whispered, voice slurred.

Shiro rolled his eyes in fond amusement, moving towards the kitchen and dragging Matt along like a cape.

“Is...is this where I-I say ‘mush’?”

Shiro’s smile turned bland. “Do it and die.”

“Fair enough.”

“Do you want another drink?” he asked, holding up a shot.

Matt let go of Shiro so he could raise his hand to his chest. “Why, butter tart, are you-are you trying to meet six-six drink Matt?”

Shiro blushed. Caught.

Matt’s smug smirk was way too endearing. Shiro was a goner.

Matt looped his arms around Shiro’s neck from the front, eyes sparkling. “Baby cakes, you only had t-to ask.”

And with that, he knocked back the shot.

Shiro paused, waiting. He didn’t know what he was waiting for. It wasn’t like a demon would come crawling out of Matt’s smug grin screaming for blood. Instead, Matt just looked at him dreamily, swaying slightly on the spot.

“Alright, let’s settle down for the movie.”

“Noooo,” Matt whined, fingers tightening on Shiro’s borrowed shirt. “‘m tired.”

Shiro blinked. That was it? Six drink Matt was just a sleepy, clingy koala?

It was adorable.

“Do you want to go home?”

Matt nodded into Shiro’s collar, already sagging against him slightly.

Wordlessly, Shiro picked up Matt bridal style, carrying him back into the living room.

“Guys? I’m going to take Matt back home, but I can come back and drive everyone else.”

Hunk glanced over, cooing over them. “Don’t worry about it, we can all just sleep here. I should have enough blankets and pillows for five.”

“Are you sure?”

“Just take sleeping beauty there home.”

Shiro nodded carefully, heading towards the front door to put on his shoes.

“Nooo, Shiro!” Matt mumbled, wiggling in his grip. “My jacket.”

Shiro moved back into the living room, settling Matt down on one of the armchairs. As he made his way to the closet, he smiled. He was looking forward to cuddling with Matt tonight, if he was able to stay awake long enough.

He pushed open the closet door, squinting into the gloom. The closet was a walk-in and it was heaped with boxes of electronics for Hunk’s engineering course. He stepped inside. Wasn’t there a light switch or something in here? He couldn’t see.

“Matt,” Shiro called out, turning towards the door. “Which coat is yours? I-”

The light from outside cut off as Matt closed the closet door, pushing up against Shiro with enough force that he stumbled back. Hands gripped his hips, pushing him further into the closet as he trailed kisses down Shiro’s chest.

He was manhandling Shiro like it was nobody’s business and it was doing things to Shiro’s libido that he could _not_ deny.

Shit. Six drink Matt wasn’t sleepy, he was just horny.

He’d forgotten about Matt’s delayed reactions.

Wow, he needed to get six drink Matt out while they were alone at home. As it was, the others were just outside. Anyone could hear or walk in at any minute. This wasn’t really the place to be doing this.

“Matt-” Before he could finish, Matt kissed him, tongue plundering into his mouth with abandon, swallowing Shiro’s moan.

Hands slid up Shiro’s shirt, lifting it up, up, up until it tangled around his arms, trapping them. They were caught up in a hanger or something and Shiro tugged on them gently to no avail.  

“Matt, I can’t- _ah-”_ Matt’s hand darted up, covering Shiro’s mouth and muffling his moan as Matt bit down on his collar, lapping at the sensitive skin.

Shiro could do nothing but _feel_ as Matt pressed up against him, slotting one thigh in between Shiro’s legs. Fuck.  

“I’m going to fuck you so hard right now, do you want that?” Matt whispered, voice low and shooting right down to Shiro’s dick.

Yes. Yes. He wanted that very much.

He keened quietly as Matt’s fingers scraped along his back hard enough to mark him, while he sucked bruises into Shiro's neck.

Those were going to be _very_ noticeable tomorrow.

“Say it,” Matt growled, nipping gently at his ear. “Tell me what you want me to do to you, baby.”

“ _F-fuck_ _Matt_ ,” Shiro groaned, bucking into that thigh, desperate for more. Nevermind that this wasn’t the right place or time. Nevermind that they didn’t have any of the right supplies to ease the way. Shiro wanted only one thing and he wanted it _now_. “You, I-I want you to fuck me.”

Matt gave a pleased hum as he captured Shiro’s lips once more, pressing him back into the wall. Shiro’s arms were still trapped above his head, fingers straining to _touch_ , _touch, touch_.

“Such a good little slut,” Matt grinned into his skin, teeth scraping along his jaw in an unspoken promise. “Love it when you beg for me. Letting me fuck you in a closet while everyone listens to you scream for me.”

Shiro hadn’t known he was into dirty talk, but holy fuck it was certainly working. Sparks of white-hot need shot right through him, leaving him flushed and desperate.

He didn’t know how much more of this he could take.

“Matt, _please_ -” They kissed messily, Shiro sucking on the bottom lip in a way he knew drove Matt crazy.

Matt groaned, finger’s gripping Shiro’s hair. “You gonna moan for me? Beg for me where everyone can hear you?”

“Y-yes, yes, _ah_ …I-” Shiro could feel Matt’s fingers searing into his skin, heat settling into his gut.

He would do whatever Matt wanted if he would just fucking get on with it.

Matt slumped against him suddenly, all of his weight forcing Shiro’s hands out of the confines of his shirt. He wrapped his arms around him, using the wall as support.

“Matt?”

There was a light snore, a puff of hot breath against his neck.

Was...was he _asleep_?!

Shiro let himself sink to the floor, carrying Matt with him. Sure enough, Matt remained pliant, another snore reverberating through his chest.

Did he just pass out in the middle of-

Dammit.

He let his head thump against the back of the closet, trying to control his breathing as well as his libido.

Shiro supposed there was one thing he could be thankful for:

At least Matt wasn’t throwing up on him.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Shiro?”

Shiro hummed a distracted reply. He was in the middle of an interesting article in the paper. He picked up his tea, letting the warmth of it soak into his hands.  

“Did I try to fuck you in a closet last night?”

Shiro nearly dropped his tea.

He looked over at Matt, face red. The other man was standing in the kitchen doorway, hair rumpled and still in his boxers. Shiro had carried him home (trying desperately to ignore the knowing stares of their friends), stripped him down to his boxers, woke him up long enough to get him to drink some water, and then let him snore the rest of the night away.

Matt was one of those lucky people that didn’t seem to suffer from a hangover the next day and it really wasn’t fair.  

“Ah...yes?”

Matt blinked at him.

“Oh fuck, I thought I dreamed that!”

Shiro hid his face behind his newspaper. “No, but you fell asleep before anything could happen so it was fine.”

He could hear Matt’s bare feet slap against the tile floor as he came closer. “Did I throw up on you? My mouth tasted like something died in it before I brushed my teeth this morning.”

Shiro kept his makeshift shield up. “No, thankfully.”

Matt snorted. “Would have served you right.”

Shiro’s muscles tensed as Matt came to a stop on the other side of the newspaper.

Matt sighed. “I’m sorry I almost fucked you in a closet while at our friend’s house. In my defence, I was very drunk and you are very hot.”

Shiro swallowed carefully around the disappointment welling up in his throat. What the _fuck_ was wrong with him?

Matt pushed the newspaper down, surveying Shiro’s face.

Heat settled in his skin, so hot Shiro was certain he could be a stand-in heater.

“Shiro,” Matt said slowly, eyebrows raising. “Did you... _like_ that I almost fucked you in a closet at our friend’s house?”

“W-well,” Shiro stuttered, and oh, look, that chip in the tile floor was very interesting. “I might have, maybe, enjoyed it. Among other...things...that were coming out of your mouth.”

Matt grinned, leaning in to Shiro’s personal space. “Like when I called you a ‘slut’?”

Shiro jerked back. “You said you didn’t remember.”

Matt’s grin turned smug. “I was testing a theory. Glad to see I was right.”

Shiro groaned, covering his red face with his hands. This was so embarrassing. Matt was going to think he was a weirdo.

“Hey,” Matt said softly, gently tugging at Shiro’s wrists so he could press a soft kiss to his lips. “I don’t mind it. At all. In fact, I think this kink deserves some _in depth_ research. Lots of practice. Now. Right now.”

Oh.

Well, Shiro wasn’t about to say ‘no’ to that.

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me you sang the Gaston bit in your head. :P
> 
> Please feel free to talk to me about Voltron on [Tumblr](http://eilera-chan.tumblr.com/). :)


End file.
